I had a plan. I was committed. This time was going to be different.
It was different all right.
I expected to have an hour break between events. Events ran long resulting in either not getting in exercise and/or heading out places to make better food choices. I did not account for record cold and snow over the weekend. That resulted on more than a few occasions where I simply didn’t want to leave the building but needed food. And then…well there were just bad choices.
There was a complementary breakfast. Most of the choices were crap. And yet, I felt compelled to eat said crap over going out to get and make a better choice. I also one night had pizza and Panda Express the other.
To give you an idea how bad things went, I went to Panda Express and tried to to make the best possible choices. After I’d ordered and paid, I said to a friend “well, I think I made good choices”. That’s when the nice lady behind the counter tells me she had a nutritional guide and asks if I’d like to see it. While my choices weren’t bad, I could have made better. Had I said something earlier, it’s possible I’d cut some serious calories.
I had ever intention to use this trip and down time to my advantage. To make me strides with the weight goals. Instead it got out of control and turned into a free for all of sorts. I got in 7000 steps or better. It should been 10,000. I started the trip at 344 and by the time I stepped on a scale Wednesday…349.
Not good–especially if the plan was to be at 335 on Monday.
I’ve made a lot of justifications in this post. None of them are good ones. If I’d really wanted it, I could found a way. I could made a few more sacrifices with my time. I could have gotten 3000 more steps and been at 10,000 every day. I could have braved the cold and snow and got the right food. Even with the bad choices, I could have figured out a way to make them okay.
If I once figured out a way to eat healthy at a Dennys, I could do this.
But I didn’t. I was weak, didn’t advocate for myself, and failed as a result. I needed to do what was best for me and I didn’t. I didn’t put my needs before others. I could made more effort to have what I needed but instead wanted to go with the crowd and fit in.
It also made it clear what will be needed the rest of the way: discipline and commitment. This last 120+ may be far harder than the 200 previously lost. Mostly because there’s less room for error and not the margin I used to have. Even the littlest mistakes or lack of commitment could now be the difference between a 5 pound week and 3-4 pound week.
And that is the reason I’ve been at a stand still the last month or so. This last leg of the journey, while rewarding, will be the most difficult and grueling. It’s going to take a lot of focus, discipline, effort, and energy.
I know I need to do it. I also know my mind wasn’t read for that step. That this next step can’t be half assed or just about showing up. It’s going to take more than that.
On Wednesday I was 349. This morning I was already down to 344–back where I started a week ago. I probably won’t get to 335 by Monday but I could be under 340.
It’s a new year and a new time. It’s clear I need to get it together and take that step forward. Because while we all have plans, sometimes it just best to step forward and do it.