Last Week: 330
This Week: 331 (Goal was 325)
Next week’s goal: 325
Magic Number to 220: 111 lbs.
Lost since Nov 2012: 212 lbs
Lost Since Nov 2011: 230 lbs
Highest ever weight recorded/known: 589 (difference of 258 lbs)
To say I’m annoyed is an understatement. Eight days and I can’t seem to lose one pound? It’s one thing when it’s a vacation or something crazy but your basic standard week? When on Sunday I was at 329? When I did 78,000 steps averaging 11,148 steps a day and 5.12 mile average?
I’m more active than I’ve ever been and yet…struggling. I got to 342 in mid November and since then it’s been a total of 13 pounds. Yes there were gains. Yes, it was the holidays. Yes, I started on 1/1/14 at 349 and lost 18 pounds this month. But really, I’ve been running in place for 2+ months now.
Last week included 2 trips to McDonalds for ice cream cones, a trip to KFC for Grilled Chicken, “sampling” at Whole Foods, eating the nice treats in the kitchen, and a the small piece of pie during the Super Bowl. And yet a 78K+ week couldn’t offset apparently any of this! Truly ironic that I simply can’t step myself out of this. On Sunday, I did pilates, and dance class, yoga, and another 11,000 steps to boot!
No, it’s all about the nutrition. Which for me is easier said than done. Every time I pick up something to eat, there’s at least 2-3 thoughts that fly into my head. And while that’s great the constant watching and mindfulness is beginning to take it’s toll. It gets mentally tiring which adds stress which results in even worse choices.
Of late Miranda, my dietian, wants good quality choices which flies in the face of everything I know. Because there are days where I look at a food option which is better quality and know something from McDonalds has less calories or lower fat content.
McDs–of course. Shoot, I see Big Macs are 2 for $5 and I want’em. You’d think I know better and I do but yet there I am drooling at the idea of eating 2 Big Macs. So instead I have a McDonalds ice cream cone. Better than Big Macs but not going to help to hit goal. Still not getting me anywhere near 220.
Hell, after stepping off the scale this morning all I wanted to do was eat something. Not what would be “the right correct choice” either. Something with chocolate, bacon, and peanut butter with a side of steak and some sort of fried potatoes smothered in cheese and ketchup. Oh and ice cream–for sure ice cream. Maybe some fudge too while I’m at it. Oh and doritos or fritos too.
Relax, I touched none of that. Well except the peanut butter but the rest…?
So now comes the fun. My week starts today on Tuesday but yet I will weigh in on Monday. And I have 6 pounds to lose. And it appears I could run a marathon and sleep in the dry sauna with no real effect. No, I’m going to need to get clean again. REALLY clean. Squeaky clean. Clean like I can eat off the floor without a 5 second rule clean.
Jeez, why has this gotten so damn hard? I feel like they should just feed me with an IV or something so it’d be easier.
Because I like food. I like food a lot. Because right now when I say “okay, just one taste” it turns into 1-3 pieces. Because I keep finding myself in a drive thru way too often lately. Because TV is filled with food porn.
Because…I’m tired of making sacrifices…and I need to keep making them.
I lost this weight because I was willing to do what it takes. And right now that’s not happening. I could work harder. I could be cleaner.
I know it.
I’m also tired of making sacrifices. The hard ones. The ones that will get me to the goal.
It was one thing when I’d lose but not hit goal but gaining…ouch.
There are times this process has been ugly. Just never this ugly.
It’s going to be a long week…